I’ll try to be quick, and on my way soon. A kind of mass paranoia is setting in. People are opening their cell phones and taking the batteries out when getting together and talking, for fear of being heard by government agents. As we descend further into darkness, following the almost complete media blackout, and the suppression of the public outrage, the government has switched to conducting a campaign for terrorizing people. In the heat of the recent events, most people forgot to take precautions for the future repercussions that they knew would ensue. Naturally, aside from beating people into a pulp, the government has been quite busy at these rallies collecting pictures and information on them, and is now using the data in this new campaign. Who cared at the time? Many, who have been spotted and indexed in the demonstrations, have received threatening phone calls from various government organizations to cease their opposition or they will be dealt with severely in the future. And these are the soft cases; the little fish. Some people who have not been in any of the rallies, who technically do not qualify as any kind of fish, have been receiving similar calls as well. Stories like these, and much worse, are spreading like wildfire. Some of them are being reported in the outside media, so I won’t repeat them here, but I doubt they would help in making the simmering anger disappear – and besides, I’ve reached my limit for horrible news. Yesterday’s rally, much smaller than the old days, yet much larger than expected was evidence to that. Of course it did turn violent again but it was after dark and I was out of the scene when it did.
On Friday, I understood what it’s like to exist as a cat. I spent most of the day going from place to place, in a foggy state of stupor, without a clear awareness of my “self”, or those of others, but somehow knowing we were there, that certain events had led to us being there, whatever they may have been, or not, taking naps in every corner I could find, with Khamenei coming into my dreams, sometimes bringing friends, only to wake up occasionally and half-digest some news or attention, snack, and go back to sleep and purr once more. It might sound like a regular restful weekend to some. It was somewhat restful, I admit, but very creepy.
I’ve decided to get out of town for a few days to wash out the weariness and confusion. I’ll go somewhere remote and quiet to wear shorts in the outdoors for a change, to eat good food, stand under a hose and drench myself with cold water, and play with some puppies. In this state of mind I don’t see how or when life can start to gain its normal semblance, no matter how I try, whatever “normal” might mean on a sinking ship, where the captain and his officers, having gone mad, are poking more holes in the hull and promising to take everyone down with them. To save ourselves, there will either be mutiny, or we’ll just have to swim back up.