Busted

March 20, 2010 in Selection 88 by P. Umpire

Have you ever walked among an army of Wargs, Easterlings, Goblins, Trolls, Orcs and their kin, the Uruk-Hai? That is how the battle of 22 Bahman played out for us. We spent a short time walking quietly past legions of government goons as they growled, grunted and drooled, until they took one of us in and forced us to split. There was no battle, no demonstration, and no sign of celebration either; just a short walk in the field.

When we hit the streets early in the morning, they were eerily empty. You don’t see Tehran so empty even during Eid, the New Year holidays, which was a sign that deeply worried us. With expectations over 22 Bahman set so high, we knew if the anticipated number of people were to show during the demonstrations, the streets should be bustling. It wasn’t so.

What was really worrying was not just the absence of cars moving about, but it was the fact that the streets were devoid of them altogether, even parked ones. So it seemed the case wasn’t one of people deciding to sleep in and forget the protest, but that they appeared to have left town. Tehran was a ghost town, but no matter. Perhaps we were late and they had already begun.

We drove toward Enghelab Avneue, and as we got closer, the streets were still empty of people and their cars, but the density of security forces was increasing (I mean their numbers. Their other level of density is high and flat.) At first we saw them from square to square, then intersection to intersection, and finally street to street, in larger and larger numbers. No matter again. We’ll get to Enghelab and walk.

We parked on a street somewhere north of Enghelab and some distance east of Sharif University, and started walking south. When we got to the main street, we realized the day was lost. On the sidewalks – sometimes on both sides of the sidewalks – security men stood in a line that had no end on either direction. There were all kinds of them, IRGC anti-riot, Police, Basij, plainclothes, cameramen, clubbers, gassers, paintballers and nasty onlookers, and this wasn’t even Enghelab Avenue yet.

Under normal circumstances it is the people who stand on the sides and watch the armed men of their country parade before them. 22 Bahman was the other way around. We looked about and tried to spot greens in our little promenade, and although none dared display anything remotely green, they were there. In fact, with the exception of Sauron’s army, and the few flag-bearing, sleep-walking pro-government families, everyone else was green. We even met some friends and acquaintances along the way. Of course we didn’t dare stop and greet them with our emotions pouring out as we normally do in Iran, and were happy to just whisper as we walked along, asking what was going on.

The temptation to leave the area right after getting there was great, but we decided to walk a little more and maybe turn south and try to get to Enghelab. Besides, turning around was suspicious, scary and not an option. We had to continue at least to the next intersection and go around the block if we wanted to get back to the car.

We passed one intersection and decided to continue and see whether we can make our way through to Enghelab Avenue. As we walked we came to a spot where about twenty police officers were standing in a group with two vans parked next to them on the street. As we passed through them, we were stopped and one of them ordered another to search us.

A very close friend – a brother really – was first. As I stood behind him waiting my turn, the officer patted him down and then proceeded to empty his pockets. First came out a wallet, then his mobile phone and a set of keys, and finally from his jacket’s side pocket, a thin green wristband.

The officer immediately ordered another to take my friend in. I froze. As he was escorted inside the van, I could only watch from the side while a thousand thoughts turned in my head. Should I do something? Maybe beg them to leave him. Only this once, please. He will never do it again, I swear. Could I do something? If I were associated with him, they’d take me in without bothering with a search. Oh my, the search…

I looked around. The police were busy taking my friend in, or searching others, or searching for others to search, and they seemed to have forgotten me. I had to make a snap decision, so I walked. No one called, and I kept walking. Further down, I regrouped with the others. Another one was missing. “Did they take him in too?” I asked. “No they didn’t. They didn’t even search him, but he changed direction somewhere and disappeared.” When we found him, he told us that he had gone inside an alley and dumped his bag of medical masks and all his green gear.

It was now time to get out of the area and put our post-arrest plan into action, so we walked back to the car. Before a demonstration, we are supposed to have cleaned our lives of all the incriminating evidence that may lead us to the gallows in case we are arrested, namely any corrupting music and movies, computers, dangerous books, and any artwork deemed too complex for Neanderthals to understand. If we don’t have enough time to clean up before a demonstration, which was the case with our friend this time, we leave our keys with someone who does not attend.

It was like clockwork. We split into two teams, got our friend’s keys, cleaned his house, cleaned his office, stored away all his shameful belongings, called his father to let him know, and were done in three hours.

We had expected too much of 22 Bahman, and we had underestimated the number of security forces the government would place in Tehran. The regime’s strategy was to prevent any form of demonstration through a large show of force, and almost indiscriminate arrests. I can’t tell how many were taken in on 22 Bahman, but we witnessed more arrests compared to other demonstrations.

Thankfully, with the exception of Sadeghiyeh, violence did not break out on the streets of Tehran as some had expected, and the greens remained peaceful, but disappointed. The greens did show in large numbers. Perhaps not the expected three million, but there was a lot of them out there. Most came and left the scene when they saw the number of security forces, and others like us were forced to leave when members of their groups were apprehended.

The biggest surprise to me though, was the small number of government supporters that showed up. This could have been their day. They had the full support and protection of the security forces, and the government had brought in people from the provinces to add to its supporters in Tehran. That’s why we were picturing a face-off between vast armies of pro-government and opposition members on 22 Bahman. Instead, we only saw small and scattered groups of government supporters among the greens, trickling down toward Enghelab Avenue, carrying a picture of the supreme leader or Ahmadinejad. Their numbers didn’t even compare to Qods Day.

The next phase for us was to find out where our friend was, which I’ll have to put in another post to avoid making this one too long.

All In

February 9, 2010 in Selection 88 by P. Umpire

I don’t remember being as freaked out as I am now before any other demonstration. Caffeine and Nicotine are my best friends these days. Part of the reason is the unpredictability of 22 Bahman, in terms of turnout on both sides, the regime’s reaction, and the outcome. I have a small window for talking about this past week as internet connections are fading away, so I’ll skimp on details, but here’s how things are, a sort of “word on the street is”, from my usual sources (butchers, intellectuals, businessmen, grocers, cab drivers, artists, old, young):

The Turnout: It looks like the opposition will hit the streets massively. Over the past ten days, the higher-ups, including Mousavi, Karroubi, Khatami, and some organizations, have come out in support of the demonstrations. We had not seen anything like this before. This time, the calls for protest and criticism of not just the government but the system as well, have been out in the open and unveiled. To me it seems like after a short period of dancing around, following the Supreme Leader’s call for everyone to clarify their positions, they came out and made their moves: All in. And if that wasn’t enough: All in again.

This makes turnout a particularly critical factor. Should Iranians leave the fields to the government, no one has any doubt that the regime will move to eradicate all elements of reform, up to the highest levels, immediately after 22 Bahman.

The Strategies: A low turnout is the best option for the regime, and up to now it has used its finest tactics to instill fear in the protesters and prevent them from showing. The regime’s recent rhetoric though, coming from the likes of Motahari and Ahmadi-Moghaddam, is interpreted by many as showing its own level of anxiety. The response: we’re coming out on 22 Bahman. Last night I went into a store to buy some cigarettes, and the owner abruptly said to everyone: “don’t forget your green signs on Thursday.” This level of openness is not something I am used to.

Some too, have told me that they are scared or disillusioned. Well, not in these words exactly, but the idea was clear. So the worry is there, that the government tactics – mass arrests, executions, threats – may have been partially successful. We’ll know in less than two days.

In case of a massive rally, there is talk about two alternatives that the regime has:

First, is to allow it, and this is the better alternative. Bear the embarrassment and let people scream on the streets, and they will go home in the afternoon. Maybe beat some of them on their way home just like Qods day. Simplistic? Possibly.

Second, is confrontation. This is the alternative that everyone is anxious about. This time, it is not an issue of fear – we’ve been through confrontations before – but one of scale. Some are saying – threatening – that if the regime prevents people from demonstrating, Ashura will look like a picnic. With the exception of a few locations, and with regime forces concentrated on those, people will have the entire city to themselves. Heck, they may even have the entire country.

There is even talk of the possibility of conflicts breaking out between government supporters and the opposition on the streets. A people vs. people scenario that leaves the regime’s hand open in entering the fray and suppressing the Greens.

The general – and new – feel to this demonstration is much like a medieval war. Two armies are building up and preparing to meet at the battlefield in two days. Numbers will mean a lot, but emotions are running high too.

The Broadcast: Yes yes, internet connections are going down. Nothing new. But does it matter? It is all too late and unnecessary, and the story will get out, like always.

Some genius said this week that a ship anchor hit the fiber down south, so there has been, and will be, intermittent degradation of service for some time. Funny thing is the anchor must have only hit the encryption, HTTPS, mail and chat strands.

Connections have been dodgy since last Thursday and getting worse every day. During this time, access through regular HTTP has been just fine wherever I’ve tested it in Tehran. It still is. But HTTPS has been jammed though, affecting services that depend on it including the better anti-filter methods. This varies from area to area, ISP to ISP. For the most part, they were nice enough to open up HTTPS during the day, while still disallowing access to Gmail and other web-based mail services over the past four days. But since last night, many haven’t had encrypted access at all. One ISP I tested today didn’t have issues though. No worries, it will by 22 Bahman.

The Immaterial:
Nuclear talks and sanctions.
20% uranium enrichment.
Building X many more enrichment plants.
Building X/2 many more enrichment plants.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
Worms in space.
Oh…and worldpublicopinion.org too. (Would someone please tell these guys the debate over the election results is over? It has been for the past, say, six months. The election set off the snake to start eating its tail, and we’re ecstatic about it. Eighty percent, shmeighty percent. As I’ve said before, it is now about the 30-year-old sedimentary doo-doo finally bubbling up and hitting the fan; about people being crunched over here, not numbers, all at the hands of a small putrid group of medieval idolaters. And I said “small”. Now that’s a survey right there.)

See you on the other side.

Billbored

February 3, 2010 in Products by P. Umpire

“It’s a small world and not worth the trouble. Don’t take the recession too seriously. Advertise.”

Redrum

February 2, 2010 in Law, Selection 88 by P. Umpire

“May your hands not ache [Iranian expression meaning “thank you”] for the executions of these two people, and to appease God, you should be men and continue to stand your ground.” – Ahmad Jannati, Tehran Friday Prayers, January 29,2010.

“Bodies of the executed should be publicly exhibited on the streets of Tehran.” – Gholam-Reza Hassani, Urumiyeh Friday Prayers, January 29, 2010.

I have also been trying to express something about the excellence of our judiciary system over the past few days, but nothing meaningful has come of it. All my attempts came out as unprintable fumes of random expletives. Instead of continuing the process, I invite you to come up with your own versions of this blog post, or imagine what mine would have been. I am  including portraits of the judiciary beauties below for inspiration. For your own good, please refrain from spitting. Trust me.

Looney Tunes

January 25, 2010 in Selection 88 by P. Umpire

Over the months, I have learned to restrain my disdain for Kayhan and try to enjoy their version of dim investigative comedy. I hope that in the future we can keep Kayhan and its talents under new management, and of course as an officially Onionesque outlet, so everyone can enjoy their great writing.

This week started with Kayhan’s claim, citing – I believe – alterinfo.net and lepost.fr, echoed by Hugo “Cebolla” Chavez of the overseas, that Haiti’s earthquake was the work of none other than the Great Satan and its Haarp program. Their reasoning for using such a dreadful “weapon” in Haiti: The American-Zionist desire to deploy its navy into the Caribbean with the ultimate goal of occupying Cuba and Venezuela. Apparently this weapon is the source of Europe’s cold weather this year also, which is designed to thwart the efforts of those who oppose global warming. From their text I cannot tell whether Kayhan is speaking of the opposition to the “notion” of global warming, or to the warming itself, but does it really matter?

Yesterday the Central Bank of Iran announced that the deadline for turning in and replacing “altered” bills has been lifted. Iranians can now go to any bank any day and have these bad bills replaced. But Kayhan seems to be upset about this announcement.

“Writing slogans on banknotes is one of the guidelines that soft-war and velvet revolution theorists recommend to their foot soldiers” writes Kayhan, pointing to one such theorist, a Mr. Robert Helvey. This is followed by some of Helvey’s arguments, namely that writing slogans on banknotes involves less risk for the writer. He got that right.

To Kayhan, bill-writings were part of instructions given to insurgents by their leaders, which were ultimately “met by the good and religious people’s strong reaction, diffusing their ploy.”

“Following this despicable act, and after people’s repeated requests, the Central Bank announced on the 10th of Dey, that bills which carry writings, stamps or any other alterations on them, will lose their validity after the 17th, and asked anyone holding these bills to exchange them at the Melli Bank branches by then. After this announcement, the theorists’ instructions, which were disseminated through Farsi language foreign media, especially Radio Farda – affiliated with the CIA – and Radio Israel, remained unfulfilled, and people fervently refused to accept these bills, and in cases where the slogans were against Islam, or the Imam, or other sanctities, the suppliers of such bills were met with people’s angry reactions.”

Kayhan took it one step further today by claiming that the Central Bank’s recent decision to lift the deadline is in alignment with the guidelines and instructions of Robert Helvey. They have asked Mr. Bahmani, head of the Central Bank, to use Iran’s intelligence apparatus to investigate and find the root cause of this decision which has clearly been dictated to the bank through foreign agents and propagated down to their foot soldiers.

Reality is simpler: When the Central Bank made its first announcement, I ran into a seventeen-year-old who was explaining to the owner of our neighborhood’s newspaper stand that they cannot just invalidate valid banknotes that sit in people’s pockets. What would happen to those that are written on after the deadline? But I guess this is all too complicated for Kayhan.

So far, everyone I’ve seen, good, bad, or religious, glows with delight upon seeing one of these things. Helvey or not Helvey, people need to be fuming over something to engage in such behavior. Otherwise a theory is just a theory.

For making it possible to write here, I would now like to thank Donald Davies of NPL, Paul Baran of the RAND Corporation, and Leonard Kleinrock of MIT for the development of packet-switched networks, the ARPANET and the X.25 protocols, as well as Robert E. Kahn and Vinton Cerf for their involvement, and Mike Lesk of the AT&T Bell Laboratories for System V UUCP, Peter Honeyman, David A. Nowitz, and Brian E. Redman and finally Ian Lance Taylor.

« Older entries § Newer entries »